what took me so long to learn

I live in Joplin, Mo. Well, until Saturday. I have lived here for four years. This Saturday I will walk the stage and accept my diploma. If you have been to Joplin, you will quickly see that the only thing we have more of than resturants are hungry people. It's the evil irony. What I want to know is, why have I not stopped to help before this year? Why have I spent the last three years prior reading their cardboard signs but ignoring their needs?

I used to buy into the widely accepted excuse that they will just go spend it on drugs and alcohol. Well . . .maybe they will. Or maybe they will buy a sandwhich or a tie for their next job interview. The truth is we do not know. But I'd rather take the chance and have it blown than to never have taken the risk at all and passed up an opportunity to be a Jesus to them.

The first man I met this year gave out hand carved walking sticks in exchange for groceries. He is confined to a wheel chair and we think lives out of his van but he works hard to make these beautiful walking sticks. He sits and chisels. Then he trades for groceries. He is awesome! I was on my way to hang out with my friends that afternoon and after passing him decided on what we would be doing together. We had a great time!

Today I met Chris. This man was disabled as well, though his handicap was not as visible as our walking stick man. I bought him some lunch and he told me about a lawyer who was trying to win a disability case in court for him. He was a kind man too and so skinny. . .

You know, helping people is supposed to make you feel good about yourself right? Well, it doesn't. It just makes me sad because there is only so much you can do. I can't drive anywhere in this town without seeing those people with the cardboard signs, daring to look you in the eye. Will you look? Will you open your eyes? It took me until my fourth year of college to stop. The Spirit of God finally got through to me. He said, "Is it really that important that you go to Hobby Lobby now?" Can you make time to buy me lunch and pray with me? Yes. Me. That's me standing there."

The Art of Blogging

So, a most dashing and intelligent young man told me once that my blogs were too long. I think I would agree. The problem is I haven't gotten the hang of this blogging thing yet. I thought maybe I had to write some type of well polished essay or something. Now I see that is quite the contrary. All I need is some level of creativity and then maybe you would want to read it. Or at least I would enjoy writing it. Unfortunately I am all out of creative juices for the day so we will settle for this. Today was . . . interesting. I arose early to spend my day with a group of fourth graders at College Heights Christian School. Upon my arrival I realized my shoe seemed to be dragging. I thought maybe I had picked up something on the bottom of my shoe. But as I stood there in the hallway, shaking hands with principals and trying to appear adult and professional, I realized the bottom of my shoe was coming detatched from the top. That was just one part of my day. Yet it was a continual problem. I ended up taping both shoes together with packaging tape. So much for professional. The kids found it rather hilarious. I love kids. I met this one kid who cracked me up. He was a chubby red headed boy with pale skin and freckles. He was adorable. I think my kids will look like him. First he came real close to my face and exclaimed in an excited whisper, "I'm a REAL western cowboy!" He proceeded to show me his white cowboy hat and told me he had a hat but he wasn't allowed to wear it inside. He was very disapointed about that. I was excited for him and said "Wow! I've never met a REAL western cowboy before!" Then he continued to ramble nervously about cowboys. Okay. This post is getting too long. I will end it. It was great to be in the school today. Oh and the shoes. Are you wondering? Of course not but I'll tell you anyway. They were almost completely gone by the time I got out of school. I ran barefoot through the rain puddles in the parking lot to find my car. It was great. I love bare feet and I love rain puddles so it was a good way to end it. The End.

Remember Where You Are Standing

I love the geneology of Jesus. It is so full of disgusting people. To begin with, Jacob was a liar. Then Judah had babies with his daughter in-law. Then later you have Rahab, the prostitute, who gave birth to Boaz. Boaz married a widowed Moabite. (Moabites were the descendents of Lot and his daughters . . GROSS!) They had Obed the grandfather of King David. oooo David! That's a good descendent, right? Well, he murdered a man and stole his wife and it was out of that relationship that the lineage continued. And it continued down until Joseph, the father of Jesus. Wow! And you thought YOUR family had problems. Why would God choose to send his son through a family like this?

To make ME feel better!

Actually, I think I have given into the lie. I think that if I get this degree or acquire that job then I am worth something. I have to have this title behind my name. I have to win the love of those people. I have to be a good person. All of this in order to be a person of worth. How did these people get their names in history? What did they do that was so outstanding? Not much. They screwed up big. But God refused to let their personal failures define their worth. It is God who defines our worth. When we die nothing that we did here matters. Sure a generation or two may remember us for a while but then it's Bethany who? So, when I am bombarded with thoughts of "I can't pass this class" or "I can't get that job" I will remember that my plans are not in my hands. If they were then yes I would definately mess things up. But God has perfect plans. And he usually waits until the very last minute to reveal it to you. I think He likes to watch me squirm and laugh a little. But I need to remember where I am standing. I can look behind me and see that I have made some screwy choices before. But I am standing today. God put me there and He has plans that await me. I just have to remember to trust in the One who is eternal for He gives me my worth.

Attitude

Do you ever feel like the world is against you? Does it feel like God puts a rain cloud above your head sometimes, just to piss you off? These are honest feelings. Sometimes life sucks, but it is how we handle the suckiness that shows the world who we are. I went to a group therapy meeting for a counseling assignment last semester. Their topic of the night was attitude. I have to say that they have more reason than most of us to have a bad attitude and yet they spurred one another on toward faith and submission to God. Some face poverty, some jail time, some face custody battles. And in spite of it all they stay steady to their commitment to God. Yeah. I lose sight of the most important thing sometimes: my commitment to God. One little wrinkle in your day can start of snowball effect of bad things. Or are they really that bad? This week was a bad week. I dropped my contact lense in the toilet. Then the zipper on my coat broke in the midst of 8 degree weather. Then a textbook got stolen. My car died. blah blah blah. . .So what do we do? How do we have a good attitude when life sucks? Bing Crosby said in A White Christmas, "Count your blessings instead of sheep." That is actually good advice. For those in the group therapy session their biggest blessing was their sobriety. They knew what it was like to be at rock bottom looking up and every day they had their commitment to God in focus was a good day. Let's have an attitude of thankfulness and contentment. Okay this is used well but never over used:
"Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead,
I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.
Let us therefore, as many as are perfect, have this attitude; and if in anything you have a different attitude, God will reveal that also to you" Philippians 3:13-15

We are surely not perfect. Paul knew he wasn't perfect but we strive. It's the striving that makes the difference and our Focus who ensures we get there.